


Story of sad Agape and lost Eros

by Liah



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Unrequired Love, Victor is eccentric, Yuuri is more mature, both of them are single parents, dealing with death, growing up as persons together, i want this one to be more... real, life is just like that, surely victuri i promise, they need to learn from each other a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2018-09-14 00:48:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 17,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9149290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liah/pseuds/Liah
Summary: Yuuri, retired professional skater, truly loves two things – ice and one little boy. Skating is his everything but the boy needs him more so his choice is clear.Victor, star of the ice, truly loves only two things – ice and his son. His son means a lot but the ice means more. Or at least he thinks so.But what happens when Victor sees video of unknown skater who has so much potential and passion? Can Victor persuade Yuuri to compete again?Let´s story of Eros and Agape begin. (or: one where Yuuri is REALLY in love with Yuuko and life is full of surprises)





	1. Happy B-day, Yuuri!

The room was dark and nearly empty. There was only one source of soft dim light – two candles- and only two object worthy of attention – table and big photo of young woman on it.

„It´s really here, Mari. I am twenty three today. Would you believe it?“ said voice of kneeling boy, or better say young man with black hair, in murmur, eyes on his hands, „it was really difficult year, but… we have tried our best. All of us,“ he added.  
Then he fell silent for a really long time. If you tried hard, you could heard sounds from ground floor and especially from kitchen. And if you had tried even harder, you would have seen unshed tears in his eyes. 

Sometimes your wounds are so deep that it´s void to cry about them. You just live from one day to another, step by step and then you realize… that tears can express what you feel anymore, it is just too complex. So why should he cry anymore? 

„Mum have prepared big party for my birthday. I will be in the centre of attention and everybody will want to talk and cheer with me. You know how I hate it but mum have tried so hard to make me happy so...“ he sighted heavily. Then he raised his sight to Mari´s photo – she was so young and beautiful and full of life – and his smile widened into sad boyish grin.  
„With little luck, Aiko´s cuteness will keep hosts occupied. He loves attention as much as you did, sister. Family feature I miss apparently,“ he chuckled. And it was true – his big sister loved to cheer and had lot and lot of friends while he has been skating entirely alone. She was the exact opposite of Yuri.

He remembers it as it was just today when she was here with them. And in fact... it was five years.

Five years since she passed out.

„According to my age I am fully adult. But I have to tell you something, sister. I still feel like a kid. Still confused and so insecure although I have seen world thanks to the skating competitions. But now... I don´t know what to do with my life, Mari. Everything seems to be so unsure... When we were kids we used to think that in this age our lives would be perfect. That we would know everything about ourselves and ours dreams . But now I think... maybe this is adulthood? That awareness that there is no way to know everything to make right decisions in right time?“

Once again, silence. The man is lost deep in his thoughts. Then, suddenly, he chuckled.

„Okay, this is enough sulking. I am going. It was nice to spend some time with you, sis,“ then he stood up and opened the door.

It was time to come back to the alive ones.

„Just wish me luck today, wherever you are. I will need it.“


	2. argue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> B- day party and argue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this one is slow, but we need some build up :)

Their home and Yu-topia Akatsuki were full of cheering people (his dad even gave some special offer to the costumers today just because it was his birthday, my God). Yuri was sitting in front of table full of delicious food and sake, facing all these people.  
All of them were looking. At. Him. 

How desperate it was to rely on cuteness of five years old child to save him?

Okay, calm down, Yuuri, he said to himself. At least, the closest ones around you are your most beloved ones.  
And it was true – in his lap was sitting Aiko himself. He seems to be perfectly happy in this mess of people, playing with some toys Yuuri had taken from their room to keep him occupied.   
Mum and dad were sitting to his left side – although his mum was running around the table most of time reassuring that their hosts are comfortable and had everything they need. At his right side is Takeshi and Yuko with their triplets and also Minako. Yuuri is genuinely happy to see them and he is enjoying time with these friends of his but he keeps an eye on Aiko – he doesn´t want him to learn some pranks from triplets. God knows that he is lively and full of energy without it.   
First few years they usually left one place next to his parents unoccupied during special occasions like this one – place where Mari normally sat. It was their way how to pay respect to her, how to say that she is still with them.

His mother didn´t reserve Mari´s place empty. Yuuri was somehow glad for it.

„Once again, thank you for your gift. It is perfect,“ Yuuri said. They gave him new skates – first – rate ones with original design. They were white with quote from his favourite book and all of them put their signature to it, even triplets who were really better in writing on computer and phones than by pen.   
Yuuri loves it.   
„You are welcome, Yuuri. You know, it wasn´t so hard to choose gift for you,“ Minako winked at him. His ballet teacher was little tipsy already, but it doesn´t matter.  
„But still,“ he insisted, “I am looking forward to test them on ice.“  
„Well, we are looking forward to seeing practise you on them,“ answered Takeshi good-naturely with his typical mischievous smile.   
„Would you like some more sake, Yuuri?“ asked Minako and pointed to his empty glass.  
„Not really, but thanks,“ he answered, „I had lessons at Ice Castle, tomorrow.“  
„Commoooon, Yuuri, all of us know that you would be able to teach that kids with biggest hangover ever and with your hands tied behind your back,“ growled his best friend and colleague, Yuko, little enviously. Yuuri´s elegance and stamina on ice were legendary, but well, he was professional, after all.   
„And without his hilarious glasses too,“ added triplets as one. In Yuuri´s opinion, they were little scary, but he would never say it aloud to Yuko. He was adult and he can keep his mouth shut, right?  
„By the way, why are you using them? You look so much better with contact lens and they are more practical,“ asked Yuko.  
„I said him the same,“ mumbled his mum when he finally sit down next to his dad.   
„Glasses are more comfortable,“ insisted Yuri little self- conscious and shifted them on his nose a little.   
„Yuuri?“ asked innocently one of triplets. Too innocently. Former skater knows that problems have officially started. „It seems that Aiko likes the cake little too much.“  
He sighed – he was sure that triplets have their part in the fact that little Aiko has all face, fists and torso covered by cake and the toys were nowhere to see but for Christ sake, how they had managed it? The boy was sitting at his lap.   
„Sorry, dad,“ muttered boy sheepishly.  
„Never mind,“ replied Yuuri to him , „but we will have to take bath again. And this is enough cake for you for today or you will not sleep at all.“  
„But-„ he started to protest and then gave a big yawn.  
„And when we talk about sleep...“ he replied absently, „it´s time for bed for you, little one.“ And then without waiting of boy´s protests, he lifted the boy up and curled his arms around him securely. Aiko, already half asleep, curled his dirty hands around Yuri´s neck and leaned his face into Yuri´s t-shirt so now he has to wash his clothes too but he didn´t minded. He was just glad that he has excuse to go away from crowded room just for the while. He loved them endlessly, but sometimes…  
Sometimes he was just really tired of people.   
„Give me a sec,“ he said to his friends.   
„Of course. You know, that little one looks like your copy. You two are so cute together,“ declared Minako and I would be fine if she just didn´t say it so... solemnly. Yuuri was taken aback. Yes, he and Aiko were quite similar with that black hair and brown eyes, after all, they were one blood, but was it so obvious?  
„Well, thanks?“ blushed Yuuri deeply – he couldn´t help it. All of his friends started to laugh.  
„Now you are double sweet,“ chuckled Yuko.  
„But after all, be careful with sugar and your weight. Pigs cannot skate,” Takeshi said easily with sharp smile.  
Yeah, Yuuri was little hurt by that one. It was really true that he gains weight easily and he hated it and Yuko´s husband knew how much.  
But Takeshi was always like that.   
„Stop with that! It is his birthday today!“ yelled Yuko at his husband.  
All table felt silent.   
Yuko never yells.  
She never yells at Takeshi.   
She and Takeshi are glaring angrily at each other with no words. Atmosphere is suddenly really heavy and Yuuri doesn´t know how to react to it. 

Well, teasing officially started. But at least thanks to his b- day it had started much more lately than normally.   
„Let´s watch some old Yuri´s performances together!“ suggested his mother in attempt to ease everything again. Yuko and Takeshi were avoiding to look at each other.   
Yuri hurried to the way out as quickly as possible, inertly thanking Aiko for this excuse.


	3. sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorrow changes people in many ways.

„So, Aiko, which one? Japanese or English?“  
„English one, of course!“ exclaimed now washed boy happily and jumped a little in his bed.  
„Okay, okay, just calm down, you are supposed to sleep,“ said Yuuri teasingly and sat down on the edge of bed with book in his hands.  
„Last time we have readed about Aslan. I want to know what he has done to that bad people!“  
„It ´s read not readed, Aiko. In English verb read is irregular.“  
„Read, read, read,“ repeated kid to remember it better while nodding to himself. „Sorry, dad. Can you start?“  
And Yuuri did.  
But while he was reading chapter from Chronicles of Narnia (thanks to the competitions he had chance to get familiar with foreign cultures and, well, some books and films were so much better that Japanese ones) he was lost in his own thoughts. He wasn´t really sure how this idea of learning Aiko English started, but it worked perfectly and the boy was so interested it was nearly impossible. Another thing he was interested even more in was listening to the music and when he found out that with English he could understand lyrics of songs… well, let´s just say that Yuuri didn´t see him so happy for long time.  
Now they have this little game – in their room they speak only in English. Aiko´s vocabulary was really thin at first so he started to read some tales to him as help and well... it helped really much. Skater liked to read to the boy – it always helps him to calm down a little and clean his head after stressful days. Yuuri also has studied some books about kids mental development and founded out that age around five is the best for learning foreign languages so why not? It will be big advantage for him in school and life in general.  
And it is also big plus when he want to say something to the boy but don´t want his parents to understand.  
Aiko and Yuuri use this advantage really frequently these days.

He ended the chapter. Aiko´s eyes were closed and his breathing was deep – he was loudly asleep. Yuri put the book down on the table and stitched the light off, prepared to go back into his party.  
„Daddy?“ asked Aiko in small voice when Yuuri stood up.  
„Yes, Aiko?“  
„Can you... stay with me? Please?“ it was just whisper.  
Yuuri stayed with the boy until he felt to sleep many times but every time when Aiko asked him to stay, he looked so small and unsure, like he expected Yuuri to denied him skater didn´t know how to get the message through boy´s irrational fear – he would never turn him down. Never.  
But he could not blame him that he expected something like that even after years – it is hard to delete lection you were thought so young. Yuuri didn´t want to think how many night this kid spend scarred in big dark room before Yuuri give up on competitive skating, too frightened to go to Yuuri´s mother and father to seek comfort – he knew he would get the cold shoulder. The fact, that Aiko´s room was as far from his parent´s as possible also didn´t helped – too many empty dark corridors for kid…  
„Are you scared of darkness, Aiko?“ teased Yuuri a little – he didn´t want the boy to realize he is angry- and turned the light on again.  
„Of course not!“ protested the boy but he was hugging his teddy bear tightly and he was blushed – he was as terrible liar as Yuuri was.  
„If you say so...“ replied the man, „move a little.“  
The boy obliged happily and Yuuri lied down to him and covered both of them with blanked. Aiko snuggled to him without the word.  
„Maybe you are not scared of darkness but I have to say some secret.“ Yuuri wanted Aiko to understand that it is okay to be scared of darkness.  
„What secret?“ he asked half asleep.  
„I am twenty-three but I am still scared of darkness. And I mean really scarred.“  
Aiko giggled but then said nothing for long while – Yuuri started to think that this time Aiko really fell asleep.  
„Dad?“  
„Hm?“  
„Happy birthday.“  
Yuri squeezed him a little, suddenly more content than before. If only the life would be as simple as this.  
*** *** ***  
The house was already empty. The party finally ended.  
„Where have you been?“  
Yuri didn´t looked from the sink full of dishes which he was washing, „with Aiko. He had troubles falling asleep.“  
His mother sighed, „he would manage alone, Yuuri. Don´t spoil him so much.“  
After Mari´s death his mother changed. Well, he suspected that all of them changed but it was most visible with his mother. She was much more protective to her beloved ones and she spoked directly what she thought or wanted. She was also more distant from strangers, sometimes even cold. It was hard to imagine said attitude with his soft mum but grief does strange things to the people.  
And sorrow of her mother was really large – after all, she lost her first child.  
But it doesn´t mean that his mother has the right to behave to Aiko coldly. He said nothing about it, not directly, because he loved her and knew she was grieving and didn´t want to make it even worse with harsh words but...  
Aiko was not responsible for what happened.

„But he doesn´t have to deal with it alone because I am here, so there is no point in it,“ answered Yuuri little coldly but when he turned and saw a hurt expression of his mum, he added, „sorry. Thank you for party, mum. It was really nice from you.“  
„You are welcome. But you should have been here more. You should have watched your performances with hosts and saw their admiring expressions,“ she said cheerfully.  
„I know that performances by heart because I have skated them, remember?“ laughed Yuuri a little and continued with dishes.  
„Yuuri...“ started his mother hesitantly and stepped closer to him. He knew what will follow – he heard for too many times for his liking, „are you sure you don´t want compete again? That it was right to retire already?“  
„Not again, mum. We discussed so many times about it. Aiko needs me more.“  
„We would take care about him.“  
„No, you wouldn´t. you have too much work with Yu-topia and hosts to do so. You said so and we know how it ended last time when we tried it.“ He clenched his teeth. He is not going to be angry about it. Not again.  
„Yuuri, I am just saying that you are sacrificing too much for that kid-“  
„Enough, mum,” he cut.  
His mum sighed but obliged.  
“Yuuko and Takeshi weren´t talking to each other all evening after that little incident. They even went away separately from the party,” she said matter-of fact. Yuuri blinked in unpleasant surprise. He didn´t think much about Takeshi´s insults (he was bulling him somehow all their lives anyway and he was used to it) and that argue between his best friend and his husband, well, they were together for really long and even someone as unexperienced in partnerships as Yuuri knows that marriage is not always about rainbows and butterflies.But Yuko leaving party without Takeshi?  
But he said nothing from this to his mother. 

„Leave that dishes, it´s too late for it. I will do it tomorrow,“ she offered when he didn´t respond and air between them was just too tense.  
„It´s okay, I´ve got it. Go and rest, you had busy day today,“ he replied and kissed her on cheek. He wouldn´t be able to fall asleep because Yuko anyway.  
„Och, Yuuri. Sometimes, you are really too old and responsible to your age. Do you know it?“  
How was he supposed to reply on this?

„Sleep well, mum and once again thank you for today.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to be clear - I like Yuuri´s mother, but I wanted to write story where she is not perfect parent because nobody is. And also remember... she lost daughter. 
> 
> Please, kudos and comments would mean a lot - I want to improve :)) :)


	4. what is happiness?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri confessed to Yuuko in only way he knew.

Yuuri was wandering about it frequently since he has ended his professional career.  
That question literally hounded him – every day, every waking moment when he wasn´t occupied with his duties his mind come back to that question. And he found some answer – it wasn´t perfect but it was satisfying answer.  
And it answer was that perfect happiness does not exist.  
Or in the different way there is no only one perfect pure happiness. You can choose many ways of life and still you can find it. He was twenty three and he has already found at least two different and utterly unconnected ways how to be happy.  
First one was skating and competitions. It was hard to explain but during his practices he was different type of human or better say different type of existence – pure, concentrated and self-confident. He didn´t care about audience. He knew what to do – what he lacked it normal life- he could mastered every movement of his muscles perfectly and elegantly. His soul sang with the ice in tandem and he just knew that he belonged exactly in that very moment. He listened to his rush heartbeat, felt adrenaline in veins, and just existed.  
And there was happiness outside of ice. 

This one wasn´t so concentrated like the first one. It was silent and it was nearly impossible to detect it – it was so… delicate. Like soft blanked in the cold winter.  
But it was there and Yuuri feels it every time when his little Aiko looked at him.  
It was strange. Yuuri would never guess that to have so much responsibility – to care about another little human who relied on you completely- would give him some type of happiness. But it was there. He felt happy every time when Aiko smiled at him. He cherished moments which they spent together – Aikos gabble, games they played together, every time when Aiko lift up his hands and curled them around Yuuri, seeking safety and warmth… seeking love.  
Aiko needs him and that feeling filled Yuuri with something soft, warm and new. He guessed that this is how only parents feel like. In this way he was just another parent with another child – another father with another son.  
By giving up on skating he just disappointed his fans. But that disappointment was temporary. They will forget his name eventually.  
By giving up on Aiko, he would destroy the world of one little child completely. For Aiko Yuuri was vitally important and that responsibility was overwhelming but also… satisfying. 

First time in his life he was irreplaceable for someone. He was needed. For Aiko he didn´t have to practise hard like for happiness on the ice – he just needed to be and care. Nothing more.  
And his mother and father failed to care about boy properly – it was complicated situation and they didn´t do that on purpose, they were and somehow still are overwhelmed with grief because of his sister, Yuuri knew, but it still has happened.  
So his choice was actually very simple. 

At least I didn´t have to give up on skating completely. It is still part of me, he thought absently while he was tying his skates up. His pupils should come in little time and he wanted to warm up.  
When he gave up on competitions two years ago he become instructor in his town. He has the smallest pupils so he could recognize really talented kids and then the group of the oldest ones who he has chosen to work with and he learn them real figure skating – jumps and how to move smoothly and effectively . Yuko has average kids and ice hockey skaters. It was little unusual to see woman so small like Yuko to give instructions to kids who were already heavier than she was, but she managed and she was respected, even little feared among them – Yuuri was somehow proud of her for it. She is always more brave like he is.  
When they were kids, she was protecting him against bullies. She showed him that it was perfectly okay to want to do figure skating. Thanks to her he figured out how to not be ashamed of himself. Because yes, he was soft as person, but he has another ways how to beat envious people.  
She supported him when he told her he wanted to take care about Aiko. She was incredibly sad because he ended his career and she was the only one who had right to be angry with him for it – she gave him so much time and energy to support his dream, his career – but instead of it, she was okay. Sad but okay. She even gave him many useful tips about childcare.  
He was so so scared of taking care of Aiko, firstly. He was determined to do it, he knew he has to, but he was so unsure of everything. He didn´t know what is right and what is not for kid as small as Aiko, didn´t know when to be benevolent and when to be strict.  
But with Yuko he somehow managed it. He became more mature and self-confident because of Aiko and Yuko, more man than he has ever been.  
He would be lost without Yuko.

They have more than just enough work – Yuuri was surprised when he learnt that number of children increased rapidly since he started to train. People still recognize him as a star, celebrity.  
So most of the days he was satisfied. He wakes up, take care about Aiko and take him into kindergarden. Then he worked with Yuko and trained with kids, help them to get better, to explore the beauty of ice. After work he used to pick up Aiko and spend the rest of day with him.  
It was okay. If competing was the light beam than life with Aiko was wind in the hot day –refreshing, sooth and just… different.  
Well and If he needed some challenge, it´s not so hard to find one.  
“Yuuri! All building is empty! It´s time to go!”  
“Yuko!” he asked from the ice, shakily, “come here, please? I want to show you something!”  
“Yuuri?” she asked hesitantly when she came to the border of ice, reacting to uncertainty in his voice . Then she gasped – of course she has noticed that Yuuri has the new skates on his feet.  
“Shall I?” asked Yuuri with smile and small polite bow to her. He knew she liked when men behave like gentlemen - she blushed a little.  
“Shouldn´t we call the others? They deserve to see you too.”  
“I´ll show them later. But this performance is just for you. You… were always be here for me and I just want to… say thank you somehow so… just look at me, okay?” he begged her.  
“Of course,” she smiled softly at him. No more words were needed between them.  
Then he started.

He fell in love with that routine first time he has seen in in television practised by Victor Nikiforov. Because if Yuko supported him to start his career, Victor gave the right shape and emotion to him – he wanted to be as good as he one day.  
Said routine was smooth, elegant and spectacular and difficult to nail, personification of what his professional skater career means to Yuuri. So he trained and trained until he mastered it perfectly- exactly like in his old days.  
Victor´s stay close to me was love performance. Both he and Yuko knew it as Victor fans really well and Yuuri wanted to keep that feeling in performance to nail it perfectly. This fact combined with fact that he skated for Yuuko of all people was blessing but also the curse.  
She was his first and only crush. His first love, maybe unrequired, but still. She was always there for him, always kind and so beautiful.  
Thanks to her he was able to grasp feeling of love and give it to his skating.  
It was inappropriate to feel this way, Yuuri was very aware of it and tried his best to suppress that love for her, to be just her best platonic friend. He even avoided to think about her like that anymore but sometimes… sometimes he needed some release. Today it was said routine.  
That feeling didn´t fade away by years not even a little – it was constant for Yuuri. But Yuko has family, she had chosen otherwise, not him. And he accepted it… somehow because he respected her. There was no another way and he didn´t want to lost her completely.  
So he just gave his soul and feeling to the performance – bitter- sweet rejection of love but long lasting friendship which Yuuri cherished because it was one of best things in his life although it wasn´t enough. By that dance he pleaded to her to stay with him at least as friend when she can´t be with him like a woman.  
I have seen so many beautiful women thanks to the competitions. But I have never found someone as beautiful as you are.  
Because she was beautiful not just by appearance but also because of her soul.  
“Yuuri…” he heard whispering her in the awe.  
He knew that he can skate this with soul only once and only for Yuko so he decided to show her this first because she deserved to see the best, to see what she means to him. He shouldn’t, he couldn´t think about her like that in front of their other friends and relatives, in front of her husband and the performance will lost something because of it but it was okay. They won´t realize what is missing – only Yuko will and she won´t talk about it.  
He ended the last figure and looked at her, breathing heavily. He felt in peace like he didn´t in long time.  
She said nothing, just looking at him with big eyes full of understanding, her mouth covered by both of her hands which were... shaking.  
He smiled at her sadly. He said everything what he needed.


	5. every winner has to lose once

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor´s story

Victor knows one thing for sure - he loves ice with everything what he has and ice loves him back.   
It was the main reason why he was able to win every time he stepped into the ring – on ice otherwise complicated life full of decisions regulates just into the act of movements, into his ability to tell story just by his body. And he mastered it perfectly- every move, every gesture, all of emotions. People watched him in awe but he cannot see them thanks to the lights of reflectors and his focus to give everything he has to the ice.   
It was the reason why he always get the gold.

It was what he said to the journalist after another victory.   
“And what about your son?” asked one journalist, young woman.  
“Ah, Yurio?” he answered as a question, unsure, “well, he is great support, of course. He knows every of my performances by heart and he is here tonight to watch me.”  
Somehow, the young journalist seems not to be satisfied by his answer.   
But the interviews ended and it is time to celebrate his gold.  
“Maria?” he asked babysitter he has for Yurio for the really long time – that long that nowdays she was more like part of family than employee, “where is Yurio?”  
“In changing room,” she answered and sighed, “he was there during the whole of your performance, playing games on the mobile.”  
Victor turned about, he didn´t want to Maria to see his face, “well, tell him he can come out because it is the end of competition. And that we are going to have dinner together.”  
“Of course,” she answered and went to obey his instructions.  
Well, at least, that bloody journalist didn´t see this.  
*** *** ***   
The dinner was quiet event. All of them ate hilariously expensive dishes automatically, without real joy. Yurio didn´t even look at him.   
It didn´t feel like celebration but just like duty so after meal he sent Yurio and Maria back home. His boy needs to sleep properly – this competition was during the weekend but it doesn´t mean that Yurio doesn´t have some homework or study to do. Although how much to study has the eight years old pupil to have?  
He stayed alone and ordered himself drink. And then another one. He doesn´t drink nowdays but he can be merciful on himself for once, right?   
His life on the ice was successful and without flaws but his life outside it was… different case.   
His parents passed long time ago. No that they would support his career as professional skater – they were old fashioned Russians and would want their son to not to wear that hilarious costumes on ice and get a proper job. Or at least Victor thought so because when they died, skating was just the hobby for him.   
He went through maturing more or less alone – but it was okay, he has spent all his time on the ice, training, he hasn´t have time to do stupid things like his same –aged peers. He didn´t spend time with them and the conclusion of it was logical – he had practically no friends outside of the ring. And friends on the ice were more like rivals, there wasn´t space to create real long-lasting friendship. But he used to it.   
The most fatherly figure he had and still have is his coach Yakov. He is strict and little cold-hearted but he always does what he think is best for him and support him in the worst. He also is bold enough to yell at him when he starts to be too pampered thanks to his fame.   
When he started to dating Anne he said almost nothing just one – that girl isn´t good for you. But Victor didn´t listen to him because he was stubborn and probably in love and Yakov knows it so he didn´t interfere as long as his dating didn´t influence his routine in wrong way.   
He was young and stupid and he knows it. He regretted his actions so many times…  
He wasn´t careful enough and before he knew he impregnated Anne.   
It was too much too soon – not he not Anne were prepared for it. He was raising star of ice, only twenty and she was twenty two years old model.   
He was sitting at the bench after he messed his entirely training, head in his hands. He was scared and confused but also somehow strangely happy. He wanted to know how that little human – his child!- will look like. Will he be like his mother – stunningly beautiful with blond hair? Or more like him? Will he love skating? Oh, he hoped so!  
And then the Yakov came, angry after terrible training but when he saw what the mess Victor was, he insisted that Victor would told him everything. And so he did.  
“Well,” said Yakov sitting next to him, looked somehow sad, “you need to grow up quickly, Victor. Your child will need a father. And proper family.”  
And he did so.  
He stopped to drink and flirt with people. He started to take things more seriously, worked to be more responsible and less the playboy of the ice. He gave up on going out with everyone, gave up on seeking fun everywhere. It was hard and long journey, but he saw respect for his effort in the eye of Yakov and it was good.   
He cut his long hair as declaration – I am the proper man now. He proposed to the Anne and she said yes – she wanted the best for their unborn child as much as he did.  
He has done his best but it didn´t last.  
After some time he realized that Anne is too self – consumed, too selfish. It didn´t matter when he was just dating her but in marriage… it was hard to deal with it. She also had to give up her career for the kid and she was frequently sullen and bitter for it, blamed him in every raw they ever had.   
It couldn´t last.  
So after few years they had divorced. It was over.  
Victor felt somehow relieved but it was one more thing.  
His son Yurio.  
No matter how many bad decisions he had made, he knew one thing – he loves his son maybe as much as the ice. He couldn´t stand the idea that his boy would stay with his mother, that he would be like she was – selfish and focused only on herself. And… Victor didn´t want to be entirely alone again.  
So he has taken the child. Anne didn´t mind, not really – she loves his son, but not as deeply as mother should. Also, she wanted to come back into the world of modelling.   
so here we are, thought Victor when he finished his drink and walked to the hotel, I am twenty eight old skater and single father with the son who… who…  
it somehow messed up during the years between them.  
Yurio didn´t hate him he just seems to be… angry at him all the time? He talked little and smiled even less around him, focusing on him entirely only when he was teaching him how to skate. It was only thing which they had in common – love for ice skating.  
But it wasn´t enough.   
Then he just started to let Marie spend more time with the boy – maybe he and his son need just little more space? He still tried his best with Yurio but it was hard since he was still competing. And… and…  
He entered their hotel room. There were no lights except one desk lamp- Marie was waiting for him as always.  
“Victor,” she greeted him softly and closed the book she was reading. She was hardworking woman in her forties, marked down by hard life, but she had the heart of the gold and she was loyal.  
“Yurio?” he asked her.  
“He is sleeping already,” she answered, and then hesitantly added, “he doesn´t meant to be cruel to you, not really. Everything is just really complicated in this family. It will be better when he will be little older.”  
“I really hope so.” And Marie heard everything in that – how confused and hurt he really his, but she said nothing more. She didn´t know what to say.  
Victor took his things and went to the bathroom – he needed a shower desperately.   
Something was really wrong, he realized beneath the stream of water, but he didn´t know what. So he did one of the greatest lectures which life gave him.  
He kept going.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri, devilish triplets and... bullied son of Victor Nikiforov. Yeah.

At the very moment he picked up that bloody phone he knew, that something was really wrong.  
“Yuuri, I have to say you something,” partly whined partly whispered Yuko. Yuuri´s heart nearly stopped when he had realized who called him – they didn´t talk after his performance not even the word. What does she want to say right now? Has his performance, his confession… changed something between them. “Just do it,” he sighed heavily. Yuko started to talk and…  
“Your triplets did what?!” he cried out.  
“And it´s not everything. That video is… viral now. I am so sorry, Yuuri.” (she used the same tone of voice every time she did something bad, she used that tone even when she confessed to him that she told their coach that he loved figure skating even though it was supposed to be secret, and yes, retrospectively, it was best thing what she could do for him, but it wasn´t the point right now).

He could hear giggling of that three devilish girls in the background.  
Well, he thought, definitely no Christmas present for triplets this year.   
*** *** *** ***   
Next few days were calm. They came back to Victor´s home town. Life goes on.   
Until today.   
“He did what?” asked Victor again leaning over the side of ring after his training, trying to persuade himself, that he misunderstood Maria´s statement somehow.   
“He fought in the school and broke the nose of his classmate. Principal expelled him from the school for the week.”  
“It cannot be possible!” said Victor disbelievingly, “Yurio isn´t the violent child and you know it! I am sure, he just defended himself or something like this!”  
Marie shook her head, “they have witnesses, Victor.” She looked as shocked and sad as Victor felt.   
It can be possible. Just can´t. His little boy isn´t violent, he can´t picture him using his fists like that – to broke something, to destroy, to create pain. He disdained violent behaviour and thought that his son has the very same opinion. Doesn´t he made it clear to Yurio what he thinks about it?   
He tried to continue in his routine but after that news, he was absolutely useless on the ice and that made him even angrier on everything – Yurio, himself, their life. Why his life can´t be all right just for once?   
He went home.   
His son was already there- sitting in the kitchen, doing homework like nothing happened. It made Victor furious even more. Doesn´t Yurio know how serious this is?  
“Why you did it?” he asked simply but coldly.   
Yurio turned his gaze to him calmly, just too confident and calm for his own age. “They made fun of me because I want to be figure skater. Because it´s sport for girls. They did it for really long time. It was enough.”  
Victor was taken aback.   
His son. His beautiful innocent son was… bullied?   
“Why didn´t you tell me?” he asked.  
“When? How? There wasn´t time because that big competition was coming.”  
He was speechless.   
“Next time, you will tell me, no matter what. I am you father – I can deal with it better like this,” he stated, “Do you understand?”  
“Yes, father.”  
“And you will put no foot on the ice until the end of your expel.”  
“But father! It wasn´t my fault!”  
“Don´t try it. You have to realize that violence is no option and this is your punishment. Made I myself clear?”  
“Yes,” whispered his son, looking really wrecked, more that problems in school did. That look made Victor sad too, but it was needed. Yurio has to learn this lesson.  
He went away – Maria was coming. She would sooth the boy.


	7. tired man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor is tired. Too tired of everything to keep going when...

That video was breath-taking.   
Some unknown boy was skating his practise stay close to me. It wouldn´t be so unusual – he has many fans and supporters so someone obsessed with him would study his movements enough to copy them. But this…  
He saw pure talent, soul in every movement of that skater. He meant every gesture and movement, he felt everything what Victor did when he was skating it first. He wasn´t just skating according to music – music was swilling out his body like he was just part of it. This routine was Victor´s but this man gave it his own energy and soul and recreated it completely.   
It was pure talent.  
How is it possible, that this man isn´t professional? Why isn´t he skating as my rival? Thought Victor as he replayed the video. That man would be spectacular with enough training- he has long way ahead to become really good, for example his jumps, but oh, that potential…  
Victor has to meet him. He has to tell this man what he think, has to help him.  
“Victor, what are you doing?” she asked when she saw him packed his luggage.   
“Isn´t it obvious? Please, pack Yurio´s things too. We are going to the Japan because some… really important appointment,” he stated.  
“Victor, it´s not good idea for the boy. He needs to calm down and to have some certainity in his life right now. Some type of routine. Trip to the foreign country won´t help him.”  
“Nonsense!” claimed the man, “change of scenery would help him to think differently about his problems and it also can help him to cheer up a little. He is too serious for his age.”  
“Victor,” sighted babysitter.  
“Don´t do it, Maria,” he explained with strength in his voice, “don´t try to tell what I can and cannot do. I am really sick of it. Sick of adjusting my life, sick of changing myself without some results. I can´t give up on skating or opportunities to become better in it. Just don´t,” he pleaded in the end, unable to look into her eyes.   
She was important to him. Part of his little family, like his mother or aunt. She was elder than he was - Victor Nikiforov without parents, real friends or wife so of course, he needed her blessing so desperately although nor him nor Marie would said that aloud.   
He thought about that skater on the video. About emotions he mastered to show, emotions he couldn´t feel anymore during latest competitions because he was just too tired of life and his failures. Skating without emotions starting to lose sense and Victor was scared because skating means everything and then this came and he feels exited because that boy right now and more alive that he felt in years-   
Marie saw that. Of course she saw that in his face.  
“Then,” she said, “go. And call me when I will be needed.”


	8. firs meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri meets Victor. Father meets father.

Sooner that Victor would guess, he and Yurio were in the plane.  
He wrote the message to the Yakov – that man deserves to know what´s going on. Yes, he will curse Victor´s stupidity but he will let him do what he needs.  
He needs to meet this unknown magical skater. He needs to skate with him, to feel something except tiredness again, to challenge him.  
Yurio wasn´t talking to him, still furious for his punishment. Not that they would talk much either but Victor still doesn´t like sadness of his son. Also he doesn´t want to fall him behind with his training on the ice but it was needed.  
So Victor started to re-watch that video again. And that again and again, seeking emotions from it, trying to remember how to experience them for himself again.  
After a while he realized that his son was watching video with him although he tried to pretend that he didn´t.  
“He´s spectacular, isn´t he?” he asked.  
“Hm,” he just said, but didn´t deny it, “from whose competition it is?” his wrath forgotten for the while.  
“It´s not from competition. Just homemade video.” Yurio´s eyes widened in surprise – his reaction was almost comically same as Victor´s.  
“I know. We are going to meet him, what you think?”  
“It might be… okay,” he answered unsurely, “what´s his name?”  
Victor stayed silent, “I… don´t know actually.”  
Yurio rolled his eyes in irritation, even anger, “typical.”  
Victor was little surprised – why did this upset his son so much?  
“Could you help me to find out something about him on the internet? I want to be prepared.”  
“I bet I can find so much more about him than you and I am kid,” Yurio challenged him – he was as competitive as his father, after all.  
“Let´s see,” smirked Victor like a kid himself.

It was hard to admit it, but his kid won.  
But at least he knew the name of skater – he laughed really hard when his son tracked it down.  
Yuuri.  
*** *** ***  
It was strange but good. Exiting.  
Everything was so different and new – people, town, atmosphere. Like different world.  
Yuuri´s hometown was actually quite small – people were greeting each other by their surnames, talking with him and his son with combination of broken English from their part and some basics of Japanese from his (thanks good that he paid attention during his schooldays) absolutely openly without distrust to the strangers friendly even when he started to ask about skater named Yuuri. Later Victor found out that this town is touristic spot.  
He learnt that Yuuri´s family is the owner of local watering place. People describing him the way how to get there.  
They were going through main street and it was getting late – his boy was yawning constantly. Streets started to be crowded, people were seeking fun. He once nearly lost his boy in that crowd – after that few seconds of absolute fear he hold his hand the rest of the journey. Yurio didn´t protested only looked longingly at some hoodie in the stand for tourist – it had the tiger on the back. Victor didn´t hesitated and bought it for him.  
Finally, they got in front of the right building.  
Someone opened the front door for them – small inconspicuous woman with warm smile.  
“Good evening, madam,” he greeted her as politely as possible, “do you have some free rooms for tired tourists?”  
*** *** ***  
First thing he has done was that he lied Yurio into bed and unpacked their things – he didn´t want to go out from their room before his son fell asleep. He didn´t want to left Yurio scared in the new place – even rooms and furniture were so different here!- although nor he and nor his sullen son would admit that. That they actually need each other.  
Then he went directly into the spring. He was looking forward to some relax and he needed time to find out how to say to the skater that he want to be his coach.  
Yes. Coach. He won´t be skate until the end of this season – he needed to renew his love to the skating again. He needed to rest and… spend some time with his son.  
He needs to breathe again and this was only way he found no matter how crazy it looks. But he was desperate and so… empty.  
Suddenly, someone opened the door furiously. And then, without warning, the man for who he travelled here was standing in front of him.  
“Vi- victor?” he asked disbelievingly in small voice, “what are you doing here?”  
He was less stunning like in the video and he could see so much self – doubt in every move of his. More like the boy than the man he has seen. But when he looked into his eyes (he was wearing glasses?) he knew that he had made right decision to come.  
Well, let´s improvise.  
He stood up, completely oblivious to his nudity, and said, “Hello, Yuuri. Starting this day I am your new coach. You going to get to the Grand Final. And you going to win.” Then he winked, just for the effect. He was well aware of his own beauty- one of no many pros of his.  
Yuri blushed like crazy, looking ready to run away from here as soon as possible in really hilarious way. Victor was prepared to start to laugh on that show-  
“Daddy?” called some voice uncertainly. All of the sudden, Yuuri was serious, focused and calm, totally ignoring him in favour of the voice. Victor was taken aback by that sudden change.  
“Aiko, here!” he shouted back. Well, it seems that Yuuri knows said kid and know where his or her parents are.  
He turned his head back to Victor, and blinked, somehow surprised again but then shook his head and rushed to throw towel at him, “cover yourself, please,” he asked in serious tone.  
Then the door open again by small boy, “daddy?” he asked, nearly pleaded to Yuuri. Victor suddenly hoped that Yuuri really knows where his parent are- that boy looked really lost. How long it was since Yurio looked so vulnerable?  
And then something unbelievable happened.  
“Aiko,” Yuri answered and knelt down, “come here.”  
The boy run to him and hugged him, his small hands around skater´s neck. Yuuri picked him up, hugging him back protectively, “grandma didn´t want to tell me where you are,” he answered, clearly upset, in fluent English. Is it typical for kids here to speak English? So small kids? That boy couldn´t be older that five.  
“It´s okay,” he reassured him and looked back at speechless Victor.  
“Who is that man?” he asked, looking at Victor too. Yuuri smiled a little.  
“This is Victor Nikiforov… our new… guest. Ice skaters have to have holidays too, you know.”  
“Daddyyyyyy,” whined the boy playfully, seems to be happy as long as he is close to the Yuuri, “everybody needs holiday. I know it.”  
The boy looked so happy just because of presence of Yuuri. When was the last time he saw his own son to be this happy around him?  
“Of course, Aiko,” laughed Yuri and put the boy… his son down but didn´t drop his hand. Victor didn´t the strength to corrected Yuuri – he didn´t come here just to have vacation. He came because of him, because of his skating. He was suddenly really unsure.  
That man in front of him, so… young is the father. Without doubt he has a beautiful wife, family, his own perfect life without competing.  
And Victor is just foolish intruder.


	9. speechless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor can be idiot sometimes...

Victor Nikiforv felt boneless.

It´s not right description, he thought as he turned on his back, staring blankly at the ceiling of his and his son´s guestroom. He just… didn´t see sense in leaving their room today. Like there was no energy in his muscles to move his body.

Stupid description, he knew. Evidently, he caught something from childish explanations (and tendency to avoid important topics) of his son. 

Victor just felt really unsure. 

He came in Japan in some goals in his mind. He wanted to spend time with Yurio but mainly he wanted to skate against and with Yuuri, man who caught his attention so easily. He wished this Japanese man to skate professionally because that man could be the right challenge in ice skating world with little help. Victor even wanted to coach this man, one season without competitions wouldn´t be bad for him. Yes, it would be the sacrifice, but he was willing to do this for sake of his intentions.

He came and he met man with son and family. 

He didn´t know what to do the next. Since that event Yuuri was avoiding him, he was sure about it. Evidently he didn´t wish to talk about offer of five times winner of Grand Final to tutor him. 

That man had family. Real _family_. Victor was sure that with his look and that soft personality and his talent Yuuri has beautiful wife. Maybe he is not competing because his wife doesn´t want him to?

Older man felt suddenly so stupid – why did not he think about it? About reasons why Yuuri is not competing, about obvious fact that he is not just waiting for star Victor Nikiforov to come and change his life? It does not work this way.

Well, usually people don´t travel half of world just for some video, but Victor was really desperate and sick of everything. That video was just last drop into full glass.

Victor still wants to persuade Yuuri. He just doesn´t know how. He didn´t expect that he would have to put some real effort into this. 

He sighed heavily. His son was playing some hilarious game on his mobile, completely ignoring him – he doesn´t see his father in this state of mind for the first time.  
Someone knocked on their door.

“Come in!” he said and sit on his bed.  
There is Yuuri Katsuki at his doorstep.  
“Good morning,” he greeted them nervously and little shakily, “I have breakfast for you two.”  
“Oh, Yuuri, thanks, you are so kind!” answered Victor happily. Perfect change to talk with him, he thought, “come here and eat with us.”  
“I shouldn´t-“ he started to protest, blushing. Victor found that really cute.

“I insist. Sit down, sit down!” he said, “Yurio, come to eat too,” he added and winked at Yuuri, “my son´s name is same as yours. What the coincidence, don´t you think?” Younger skater blushed even more and looked at his hands then at Yurio instead of Victor.  
“Do you like Japan?” he asked his son kindly. Yurio looked at him suspiciously and said nothing. 

Then silence.

His son sat down next to him and started to eat without word, completely ignoring both of them. Victor didn´t mind it much for the first time – he needed to focus on skater in front of him.  
Victor cleared his throat. “Sorry for his behaviour. He is like this to everyone.”

Yuuri frowned at him.

“So, Yuuri,” he poured quickly as he started to eat in attempt to change topic from his misbehaving son, “I saw your video at Youtube. Really spectacular, I have to say. So much I just… have to come and tell you how talented you are.”  
“You really think so?” he asked in awe still not looking at him, “It means so much from you.” _I´ve got you._  
“I mean it, I wouldn´t tell you such thing otherwise. You just need little practise to skate professionally on the same ice with me. I want to train you to achieve that level, Yuuri,” he leaned across the table to him. Yes, he had his famous seductive grin on his face. It wouldn´t hurt, would it?

“Vi-victor, you don´t need to do that.” Obviously yes, it _hurt_.  
He took deep breath and looked directly in his eyes for the first time, determined look on his face, “I still can´t believe that I am talking with the legend of the ice, that you are _really_ here. You are my idol and I am big fan of yours. And trust me, it is miracle what you are suggesting… to coach me… but I can´t. I have son to care about. I – I´m sorry, Victor, “ he whispered.

“You know, you can compete and take care about the boy.”  
“Not really,” he shook his head, “ I was competing few years ago as junior and I know how consuming it can be. It wouldn´t work.”  
“Yuuri, to be honest with you… I´m offering you chance of your _life_ ,” Victor said and run hand through his hair, losing his cool. That boy cannot meant that, delaying _him_ of all people, “please, think about it properly and don´t be…dumb. It is your chance.”

Yuuri pursed his lips, clearly offended, “it´s not stupid to choose family instead of fame.” His Yurio was looking at him curiously now.  
“ I have decided. I hope you will enjoy your visit here, Victor. Have a nice day, Yurio” He started to stand up, offering quick smile only to his son.

“Yuuri, sorry,” said Victor and caught his hand across the table. Yuuri looked at him, shocked.  
“I didn´t mean that. What about his mother? Couldn´t she look after your son without you for few months? She surely want you to be happy and successful, “ tried Victor again. 

Next sentence left Victor speechless.

“His mother is dead,” said Yuuri and pulled himself out of Victor´s grip, practically running away from the room.


	10. Idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor is desperate...

He was observing him – really, it was everything he could do after that debacle.

How politely he spoken with another costumers, always ending chat with respectful little bow of his head. How he always knew where his son, Aiko, exactly is, no matter what (Victor never understood that “mother-hen instinct”).

How shy and unsure he was with everyone except of Aiko. 

He seems to be just too unconfident, too young to be father. Maybe it just… happened like in his case? Maybe he didn´t want child yet and he just made best of situation like Victor did? Who would want a child in his 24 years, for Christ sake?. And… what happened to his wife?

He didn´t dare to ask – he doesn´t want to destroy things between him and Yuuri more than he had done already.  
(Nobody rejected him like Yuuri did in really long time. And it has never offended Victor this much before). 

He was leaning at the edge of the ring watching Yuuri´s warms up. Young Japanese hadn´t talked to him since he brought him breakfast but at least he didn´t protest when he saw him here. Victor brought Yurio with him, just for sure because it was evident that Yuuri had enormous soft spot for all children in general and he wouldn´t deny Victor access to ring as long as he said he came here because Yurio wanted to (it was not true but it is not important right now).  
Suddenly, Yuuri stopped, turned to face him and waved at him. His features shifted into soft and warm smile which transformed his face completely. 

He was beautiful. 

Victor blinked, taken aback. What has changed between them so suddenly ?  
But he didn´t questioned it and waved Yuuri happily back.  
“Yuko!” shouted Yuuri. Victor turned to see young Japanese women behind himself who was waving at Yuuri.  
“Hi Yuuri!”  
Victor blushed, embarrassed. Meanwhile Yuuri came back into practice, completely ignoring his existence.  
His son chuckled. Victor shot him angry look – what a traitor. 

“So, it is true,” said woman who embarrassed him so much in accented English, “Victor Nikiforov is really in our small ring.”  
“Yeah,” he answered hesitantly, “what is your lovely name, lady?” he asked, shot his famous smile at her, trying to hide how offended and embarrassed he is. How is it possible, that this ordinary woman can make Yuuri smile like that and he cannot?  
“Yuko,” she said, “I am the owner of this ring,” she offered him a small respectful bow.

“It is really nice to meet you,” he replied and reacting at impulse he took her hand and put a little kiss in the back of it. Yuko grasp for breath and he smiled a little. He liked to surprise people, one way or another. He liked the idea that he can sway this woman and sooth his wounded ego a little.  
(he was always centre of attention. _Always_.)

“Don´t do that with me or Yuuri, “she snapped and took her hand away.  
He winced. He expected better response.  
“With Yuuri?” he asked.  
“Don´t behave to us like you want to… charm us or something like that. We don´t need star here. And don’t try to push Yuuri to competitions again. It is enough that his mum is trying to do so.”  
His mom? Interesting…  
“So… he told you about our conversation?”  
“Of course he did. I am his best friend,” she stated and looked at the man at the ice once more with soft fond eyes.  
(When was the last time when somebody looked at him like this? Isn´t it supposed to exist only in bad novels?)  
Evidently, some of his ideas reflected at his face because his companion sighed heavily and took some pity on him, “meet him where he is. It is only way.”  
Then she excused herself politely – she has work to done.  
“What the hell?” asked his son, clearly confused. 

Victor scolded him mind-absently because of language but in fact…  
He could not agree with him more.  
*** *** ***  
Victor was waiting. 

Waiting for some idea. For inspiration. For advice. For Yuuri´s attempt to approach him which had to come eventually, Yuuri was a fan of his, right?  
But days and night passed and said attempt never came. Yuuri was speaking more openly with his little Yuri than with Victor. 

Said skater was eating his dinner. Katsudon – typical Japanese dish as he was said- was delicious but still bitter to eat because he was eating it alone. It was too late for his son or another hosts to keep him company and Yuuri excused himself from his presence as soon as it was possible.  
There was only Yuuri´s mother around him but she was not paying attention to him – instead she was cleaning the room quickly and effectively, preparing things for next day. She at least sent him a quick smile from time to time.  
As far as he knew, Yuuri´s mother was very sweet woman, tender and supportive of her son and husband. She had a kind word for everyone around her, even for strangers and she was really good listener.  
When he was looking at her, he started to think about his passed parents. It was a really long time since he thought about them, since he paid his respects to their graves. And he never told much about them to Yurio – maybe he should…?

“Please, Hiroko-san, would you mind to tell me something about your son?” he asked in attempt to distract myself.  
Yuuri´s mum blinked, clearly surprised, “why don´t you ask him, Victor-san? I am sure he would be happy to answer your questions.”  
Victor sighed, “I wish you were right. Yuuri is too shy to share.”  
Hiroko shook he head but she still had fond smile on her face, “he is too shy for his own good. And too self-sacrificing too.”  
“What do you mean by that?” asked Victor and frowned a little but then he remembered what Yuko said at ring – that Yuuri´s mother wanted him to compete?  
“He gave up too much for Aiko although he did not have to. It is hard to see your talented child to throw everything away,” she said quietly, like she did not want anyone else to heard her, her gaze lingering at trophies of Yuuri exposed in the room from his junior years – Victor had to admit that said collection was admirable, “his coach said that he has potential to represent Japan at the grand prix as national hero.”  
“But he gave up everything,” said skater disbelievingly. Would he do the same for something… someone? Skating was the most important thing in his life…  
“He gave up everything,” echoed Hiroko sadly.  
Victor Nikiforov was desperate. How is he supposed to persuade Yuuri to skate professionally when he refused his chance to do so already?  
“My Yuuri is walking contradiction. Really shy, wreck of nerves even in front of people, but talented and hard-working and someone who hate to lose. He could never refuse a good challenge but that´s typical for sportsmen, isn´t it?” bubbled Yuuri´s mother, but Victor was not paying a full attention to her.  
Unable to turn down a challenge?  
And then _the idea_ came. 

“Hiroko-san, maybe I know what we can do. But I will need your help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time we will see Victor´s idea in action and Yuuri´s reaction to it. 
> 
> Thank you really much for kudos - I am surprised how much you like this story already. I can´t describe what it means for me after I have started to write again after so long :)


	11. surprise

More times than not people have some small special… let´s say… talents. 

They can be useful or they can be absolutely annoying – Maria always somehow knows when Victor or his son would kill for piece of her legendary chocolate cake. Victor never tell her to bake it for them – it is always just waiting at kitchen table, fresh and tempting. Victor is more than willing to forget about his diet when Maria´s baking is concerned.

Then there is a Chris- one of few people who Victor considered and recognized as a friend. That man is hilarious, horny and annoying… but also sentimental fool who was listening to Victor´s lament via phone many _many_ times. He was someone who cared deeply about people around him which was in Victor´s opinion rare.

So God bless that man, but Chris has talent to call him at the most inappropriate times – when he was going to pay at the cash desk, when he was at toilet or in shower, when he was arguing with his son. Once he called him during the sex, for Christ sake, and the worst thing about all this was that Christ did not take ignorance as the answer – he was going to call you until you _pick up you bloody phone._

To be fair, Victor has irritating talent too – he was center of attention… well, _everywhere_ where he went. Parties, skating events, shops, restaurants – public was interested in him and the worst part was that Victor did not mind it, not really. He liked to be in spotlight. 

It was not right – people around him usually felt unimportant and overlooked, he was aware of that . But there was nothing what Victor could do about it – his personality and his success were speaking for itself. 

Well, one way or another, thanks to his personality and the fact that there was always something happening around him and media loved him for that. 

So it was childishly easy to organize small competition in Ice Castle and spread the rumor.

Yuuri´s mother helped him a lot – after all she wanted her son to compete again even more than Victor. She helped him to persuade Yuuko to rent them the rink although she disagreed with their idea strongly. But eventually she agreed – combination of Yuuri´s mother and Victor´s money was too much to refuse (Victor was aware that Yuuko´s financial situation was not that good that she could afford to refuse his offer. He has money and he can use them how he wanted, right?) 

He told about local television about it. He invited some newsmen, he called Chris in and also some less known but still talented skaters – Phichit, Sara and Guang-Hong. He called them because he knew that they will be excited about Japan in general and about chance to meet and have some fun.

Victor tried to keep it small – really, there will be no big advertisement and just few reporters and skater who are really friendly. They are going to skate their old short programs because Victor asked them to do so – this competition will be nostalgic. 

Russian skater knew that Yuuri was watching skating competitions for many years – he will be familiar with routines of his peers. Of at least he hoped so. He did not to pressure Yuuri too much, he just wanted him to remember the atmosphere of competitions and professional skating in general, the very best of their world. Competition will be held in 3 days.

And Yuuri knows nothing about it.

Victor planned it as surprise for him. 

Victor was aware that Yuuri would find an excuse to avoid skating in front of people so only solutions he was aware of is to not to give Yuuri time to think too much, just enough to act on instinct of skater and former competitor. 

Victor was sure that it would be all right. It has to be!   
*** *** ***  
Everything was ready. 

People were sitting at their seats – Ice Castle was small ring but it was absolutely full right now and that view made a Victor´s soul sing while skaters were changing into their costumes. There was only half of hour left before Onset on ice starts. They were only waiting for Yuuri.

Victor heart was thundering in his chest and his palms were sweating.   
He was nervous.

_What was the last time when he was really nervous or worried because some of worldwide competition?_  
But still…

The door opened.

Yuuri came in, skates in one hand, holding sleepily looking Aiko with another and talking with the soft smile on lips with his mother. That woman was blessing – she made sure that Yuuri did not come earlier, destroying surprise.

When he say how many people are at Ice Castle, he frowned, his smile died away. On the other end, Aiko and his grandma smiled excitedly- it was comical to look at that difference in their reactions.

“Victor?” asked Yuuri carefully and approached him, hand in hand with Aiko.  
“Yuuri!” cried Victor trying to sound exited, not like wreck of nerves, “finally! We are waiting for you – change into this!” he replayed, giving him some sport bag.  
“What-what´s that?”  
“Your costume, of course. Or better say my old costume but I have no problem to borrow it. Change into it, make your stretches and prepare yourself – you are going to skate my old routine for this audience. There are also some another skaters. Let´s have some fun and publicize this place for Yuuko- chan!”

Yuuri paled like he had seen the death itself, ingoring Victor´s hand with bag completely.   
“Yuuko?” asked Yuuri quietly. Even Victor could say that there are many questions, even intirel conversation behind single word. Said girl was standing behind Victor, clearly uncomfortable, “it was not my idea, Yuuri.”

Japanese skater nodded, then looked at his mother silently with sharp glint in the eye.  
“I wanted you to try it again, son, but you are so stubborn! What I was supposed to do?” she asked, desperate. Yuuri nodded, slowly, deliberately, resigned.   
“What have you done?” he then said with anger, staring at him coldly, ignoring his mother completely. Aiko hided himself behind Yuuri´s legs, clearly unfamiliar with this type of reaction in his father.   
“I just wanted you to have some fun-“ tried Victor-

“No, you used my friends and my family against me. But nothing here is your business, Nikiforov.”  
Victor was stunned. “Don´t make I so big, Yuuri. Please, it is only small event so try to wear costume and have some fun?”

“Firstly, that costume won´t fit. I am not skating competitively for a long time so I am out of shape. Secondly, I did not master your routine good enough to skate it in front of people.”

_What? Have he seen that video of himself at least once?_

“You disrespected my wishes.”  
“I just wanted to make this for you-“  
“No, you did this for yourself, Victor. Only for yourself and no one else. And as far as I can tell for myself, you are not welcomed at my home anymore.”  
Victor gasped and so did Yuuri´s mother, “Yuuri,” she tried.

“We are going home. Aiko felt little unwell today, we should not have come here at the first place,” he shook his head, “coming with me, Yuuko? See you later, mum,” he only added, then turned and went away, ignoring Victor completely. Russian was too stunned to react at anger which was still clearly visible in Japanese´s features.

_You are too self-absorbed to respect wishes of people around you, Vitya. I should have known before I had married you._

Victor suddenly felt really cold.

“Are you all right?” asked Chris after he joined him.  
“Absolutely,” said Victor, plastering small smile, “we just have to skate without Yuuri Katsuki, that´s all.”   
_You are not welcomed at my home anymore._

Why it felt like someone stabbed him right into the chest?


	12. Giving up

Anger felt like…. heavy stone pushing at his chest, squeezing his lungs so much that he has to take really deep breaths to keep himself focused. Anger felt like electric shocks which went through his veins into his fingers and toes and his head, his head felt too light, like balloon full of cruel words and rage, ready to fly away. 

“Aiko,” he said, focusing rather at his son than his emotions – his son always put him in his place, “how do you feel?”  
“Just, tired, dad,” murmured the boy, but his cheeks were pale and he was taking short breaths like he would have stones at his tiny chest too. _It is probably just cold and you are overacting, Yuuri. Calm down._

But he cannot help himself.

He lifted Aiko up and the boy winded his small hands around Yuuri´s neck and his legs around his waist like some koala. His body, his weight felt like comfort which Yuuri needed so much, soothing everything for moments or two.  
Wrath at his idol, Victor Nikiforov, for disrespecting him as person, for intruding his family and his life with no right to do so, for abuse of wishes of his mother. Anger for his mother for doing the very same although they discussed… they had arguments about it so many times. Disappointment for Yuko, oh God, how would _she_? Why she helped them? She knows better, she knows what he feels for her… 

He hated himself that he cannot fulfil their expectations. That he cannot make them happy.   
He hated Victor because he reminded him what a disappointment Katsuki Yuuri for his family is.

He felt hot tears at his cheeks and he did not bother to stop them, not really, because Aiko was already sleeping in his arms so there was no one to worry about – he felt betrayed.   
“You are crying,” said the voice in awe. Yuuri jerked, looking at Yurio Nikiforov, “yes.”  
“You should not. At public at least,” said the boy, his eyes serious not angry at least for once.  
“Your father told you so?” snarled Yuuri when another wave of anger at Victor Nikiforov hit him hard, like tsunami.  
“No,” Yurio shuddered, “he just never cried in front of someone so I thought…”  
Yuuri sighed, _stupid Victor._   
“Go and find your father, Yurio. You should not be wandering here alone.”  
Yurio shrugged again, not looking at him, “I am used to it.”  
*** *** ***   
The devil is not as black as he is painted.

It fitted for his situation perfectly – Yuuri ordered him out of his home but actually he had no right to do so, no in full meaning of that word because house belonged to his parents not to him. At least that was what Ms Katsuki said when she begged him to stay. 

He saw Yuuri only few times since that disastrous competition – he left room of his son rarely these days with worried expression. Yuuri´s parents told him that Aiko is sick, probably just cold, so there is no reason to worry, their son acted like this practically every time when little boy is unwell. 

Yuuri´s face transformed into cold mask, his eyes full of silent hostility when two of them met at corridors. That sensation stinks, leaving some cold feeling in his heart.

Everything around Victor was turned down around him, like when you moderate brightness at the screen of your mobile phone, every colour mixed with grey. It was hard to notice that because it was subtle, but Victor did. He had word full of colours which he had when he came here, happiness of that challenge to persuade Yuuri to compete and novelty of new country and sensations for him and his Yurio. But it was turned down, everything gone after Yuuri told him that he is not welcomed at his home anymore.

Victor does not understand Yuuri´s reason to be so angry, at least not fully. He tried really hard to imagine himself at Yuuri´s place but it somehow… does not fit. He just knew that he did something he should not and that said Japanese is one of the most complicated person he had ever met. 

Yuuri´s cold stare chased him during sleepless nights. More that disappointment of realisation that ha has to… let go. Give up. 

“Yurio,” he said softly. His son looked at him, alarmed, his game at mobile phone abandoned.

“I think it is time to go home.”


	13. Right direction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Always be kind and good things start happen even without your realization...

Sometimes, well, sometimes it was really hard to pretend. 

To pretend that his fear and the amount of time he spent worrying is completely normal. That his inability to talk with people freely is just shyness. That he does not cry more that another average twenty-three old man. 

He has never been diagnosed. It was unspoken agreement in their family – to not talk about his mental shortcomings, to not allow to talk about option of taking drugs because he would be seen as weak in eyes of family members or friends.  
And Yuuri agreed with that, at least partially – his problems was only his own business. He found his ways how to deal with most of his problems but some days… it was too much. That days he rarely went out of the house and Aiko was giving him hugs and cuddles more than other days. 

That feeling that his family and friends would be so much better without him. That he will never be enough for anyone, that there is no person who would love someone so wrecked. 

That days when he felt like he is too spread in his own body, when he was hugging himself in attempt to not fall apart, when it felt like torture to go in the crowd of people, when every criticism, no matter how soft or well-meant, felt like knife stuck into his soul. 

He had one habit – every morning, he would rate his mood on scale – one is okay, ten is disaster- but after Aiko came into his life he stopped with that in desperate attempt to ignore this part of his personality. Aiko needed him to be strong and self-confident for both of them (sometimes he thought about it, about fact how much Aiko changed him, how much he had to grow up for that child) but everyone had tendency to slide down into bad customs when they are stressed out.

And Yuuri Katsuki was stressed out. If you would ask him about his scale, he would said that that day is ten and he would do so without hesitation.

You cannot blame him for that. To sit beside bed of child in hospital is nightmare of every parent. 

It started with cold – Aiko was ailing child, catching cold all the time but he recovered really quickly so he did not pay much attention to it. But his cold started to be stronger every time he felt sick and last time – when he said Victor to go away- he was running a temperature and he way so weak…

Yuuri put him in bed and gave him some medicine, of course. But it was not enough.

He will never forget that moment when he woke up from his slumber – he was sleeping beside Aiko´s bed every time he felt sick- and found him struggling to catch a breath, paler and paler in every second, looking at him terrified and so… so…

It will chase him in his nightmares.

He called for the ambulance, of course at the edge of panic attack but he kept it together because of Aiko. Only when they helped him and took him at medical examination, only when he was sitting in waiting room, he allowed himself to burst in tears while Yuko hugged him tightly. He was trembling like a small child who he was not supposed to be while Yuko murmured sweet nothings to reassure him and that stupid part of his mind which was still in love with her was secretly glad that person who held him was Yuko and no his mother or someone else. 

He was worried himself sick- in their small local hospital only fundamental medication was available and they could not afford to go in better hospital. Aiko did not have insurance because Yuuri never realised that something like that is needed and his family´s savings were practically non-existent. 

And then miracle happened. 

Nurses came and said that they are supposed to prepare Aiko for transportation for examination in larger hospital and when Yuuri protested that they cannot paid, one particularly sweet nurse said that everything was settled beforehand.  
“Victor paid that,” his mother told him, “he left some money in springs with note that it is compensation for trouble he caused to you.”  
“What? He should not…” Yuuri started-  
“But he did,” told his father with frown and seriousness so atypical for him, “you should be grateful and thank him.”  
“I will,” confirmed Yuuri, “of course I will.”  
“Only by phone, then because he already left with Yurio. They are going back to the Russia.”  
Yuuri´s heart skipped a beat.  
“Give me a phone,” pleaded Yuuri, feeling dizzy. Of course, only Yuko had a device to borrow. Skater took it and made few steps aside to have a little privacy.  
Phone rang five times before someone picked it up. Yuuri´s heart skipped a beat again – he has a hope, Victor cannot be at plane already if his phone is turned on-  
“Hello?”  
He sit down at bench, unsteady, full of rage emotions, full of his fear for Aiko which came like after wave after disaster.

“Stay. Stay… please, Victor,” he sounded hoarse although he only whispered his plea.

There was a silence. Long one when he could only heard Victor´s breath, shaking in and out, and fuss of airport.  
“I will,” he whispered softly, oh, so softly.

Yuuri Katsuki burst into tears again, but, well, you can´t blame him- today was not one of his best days.  
*** *** ***  
Usually, when somebody offered Yuuri to drive a car for him, he happily obliged.

Well, today was not that case but said day was crazy enough to break your own rules – Yuuri insisted that he will give Victor and his son lift on his own.

So he did.  
He was waiting for Nikiforovs at the airport, trying to ignore his own uneasiness because of crowd of people around him. 

And then.  
That two came. 

Victor Nikiforov was unusually serious and Yuuri was glad that he was holding hand of his son, not letting him wandering at least once, but that though disappeared into thin air when Victor pierced him with his stare.

“I want you to be my coach, Nikiforov-san. Please, it will be my pleasure to have you and your son in our house,” he bowed slowly and deeply.  
“Yuuri?” asked skater, clearly confused, “what´s wrong?”

“You helped my son. This is only thing I know you want and which I can give you?”  
“What are you talking about? Speak clearly, please,” he squinted. 

Yuuri took a deep breath – it was hard to focus after everything what happened, after sleepless night when nightmares chased him anyway.

“Aiko… he has asthma and we did know about it and he had episode during night. And you gave us that money so we had enough to give him proper medical examination and-“  
“Is he going to be okay?” Victor asked, clearly upset. That calmed Yuuri´s traitorous mind a little – he was glad that Victor did not know how serious situation with Aiko was, that he did not plan how to debt Yuuri into this…

“Yes. He will be okay.” (Doctor, recognising him, told him sadly that he will never have enough long capacity to skate like Yuuri did. He could not care less.)  
“You wanted me to skate competitively. To coach me. So you… can for one year. If you still wanted,” younger man breathed out, unsure. Was it stupid idea to offer something like that? Did he misread things?

“As a payment?” asked Victor and locked his blue eyes with his brown.  
“As a payment,” answered Yuuri.

“Well, I am first coach who paid his student to be able to coach him but… why not? I love surprises,” and his eyes were sparkling, even his sullen son was giggling.

Yuuri wanted to protest – it sounded rude even crazy formulated like this but… it was very accurate. Yuuri could not meet Victor´s gaze because of embarrassment. 

But Victor Nikiforov was smiling, clearly happy. “Well, well, let´s make this worth our time and my money, Yuuri.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you feel like Yuuri at the beginning of this chapter and want to talk about it, please,feel free to contact me - it is always good to speak with someone who can understand and all of us know that anonymity of internet is... liberating. 
> 
> You can find me at tumblr as liah-li


	14. One step at the time

Yuuri woke up alone. Longing. 

His Aiko was still in the hospital. After examinations doctors relocated Aiko back into hospital in their hometown where he was supposed to stay for few more days, just to make sure that he reacted well to his new medicine. Yuuri visited the boy as frequently as possible but… it was not enough, not even close.

He wanted his little boy to be at home with him again, safe and healthy. 

But it is not possible right now. Besides, he has his promise to keep. 

“Six,” he said aloud, staring at blank ceiling.   
*** *** ***  
Yuuri Katsuki was perfect student. He listened carefully, always polite and respectful, taking Victor´s word as a law, addressing him _Nikiforov-senpai_ or _Nikiforov-sensei._ He never complained, no matter how cruel Victor´s regime was, how many jumps he pushed him to do, testing his stamina near to his breaking point with no mercy. 

Everything was right.

Yuuri never looked him directly, always flitching when Victor wanted to touch him which was really frustrating. Victor was used to casual touches as a form of friendliness. It was also problematic for them as teacher and student – Victor cannot touch Yuuri to show him where he was making mistakes in his posture and moves, at least not without tension and embarrassment between two of them and Victor´s English vocabulary was not good enough to name necessary muscles or movements. This barrier slowed down Yuuri´s progress.   
Japanese did not speak with him more than was necessary or polite.

Everything was wrong.

How he was supposed to create motivation and… and… something which Victor saw in Yuuri´s skate of _Stay close to me?_  
“Spark,” murmured Victor to himself after long while. That´s it. 

“Take a drink and rest a little, Yuuri!” Victor called. Yuuri did as he was told without word. 

When he turned around, Yuuko was standing behind him, her arms folded defensively.   
That two did not speak to each other since that disaster at rink.

“Hello,” he said for lack of another idea what to say. He felt nervous – it was familiar feeling since he came here with his son.   
Yuuko just sighed and leaned next to him. 

They were standing like that for few minutes. Victor was suddenly glad that Yuuri did not have glasses on and did not see who come – surely he would want to say hello to Yuuko and Russian did not want to see that contrast between his behaviour to him and behaviour to Yuuko, not right now.   
“How angry you are with me?” he sighed.  
“I am not angry at you,” she answered, looking at Yuuri. Skater looked tired but still determined, Victor notices, “I am angry at myself.”

Victor blinked, confused, “why?”

“Because I let myself to be persuaded by you,” she said, “and it hurt Yuuri although he will never said it aloud to me.”  
Wait.  
 _What?_

“You don’t make a sense. It was my fault.”  
Yuuko turned to him, clearly offended, “you don´t make any sense either. Always so intrusive, always rude!”  
“I am not rude!” protested Victor. Yuuko snorted.  
“You are. Just a minute ago you are extremely rude to Yuuri-kun.”

“Wait, what?” exasperated Victor.  
“You are using his name without any honorific. It is considered to be extremely intimate and well… from you to him it seems like you disrespect him entirely.”  
“That´s not a case, I swear! Yuuri is very good student. I did not know that.”

Yuuko looked at him directly again, blinking little confusedly, then nodded to herself, murmuring, “sometimes it is hard to remember that you don´t know our costumes. Visitors usually study at least some basics and well… me and Yuuri grew up watching your routines and life so it feels like we know each other.” 

How strange these people are, thought Victor. Blaming themselves for everything and creating obstacles where should be none. But he felt honestly pleased that Yuuri and Yuuko _really_ were his fans.   
“How should I call him then? ” he tried to ask.  
“Yuuri- kun is a must. The most appropriate would be Yuuri-kohai. It refers that you are both skaters but that he is in lower level I would say? It is hard to explain it to outsider.”  
“It is hard to understand, too,” murmured Victor but when Yuuko looked at him, he shut up, “what else should I do?” This was essential. If Yuuri will feel more comfortable around him and start skate more freely…   
“Did you say sorry for that competition?”  
“Eh, no?”

Yuuko face palmed, “baka.”  
“What?”  
“Apologize, stupid man. And I mean not just to come and say sorry. Do it more thoughtfully, by some gesture. It will be more appreciated.”

*** *** ***   
His heart was beating in his ears, and he was sweating, ready to run away from this.

This is how Yuuri felt when he challenged him to compete?

“I skated _Stay close to me_ for my wife,” he cough at the end of their practise when Yuuri was approaching him. It was hard to say it… so hard.  
“What?” asked Yuuri, clearly surprised by subject.  
Victor leaned across edge of the rink, swallowing heavily,“ my routine. I created it for my Anne after one big quarrel.” When journalists asked him about inspiration for that routine, he said that it had come practically from nowhere, too ashamed to admit the truth. 

He took a deep breath, steading himself, “it was my way how to beg her to stay with me. I was so… scared that she would go away, scared like I have never been before. So I did only thing I knew- skated for her because I … loved her so much. But she went away anyway.” 

Yuuri was looking at him and it felt like eternity – his sweaty hair and deep calm eyes which were haunted by things Victor could not name. But he was looking at him for the first time in the long while and for few seconds Victor felt like they finally understand each other.

Then, he bowed deeply, “thank you for sharing... _Victor-sama_ ,” and then he smiled. Victor shakily smiled back.

One step at the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this story Yuuri never studied abroad so he is not familiar with Europeans´ fondness and touches and how carefree they are with honorifics and respect to each other - poor boy, he is scandalized and confused by Victor´s behavior. Thanks God for Yuuko :) 
> 
> Please, feel free to correct me in usage of Japanese honorifics - Wikipedia cannot substitute experience of speakers. I did my best although. 
> 
> Thank you for your kudos and support! :)


	15. Chapter 15 - Child of contradictions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never underestimate power of kids.  
> (Something for Yurio´s fans)

Yurio Nikiforov was child full of contradictions. 

He truly looked like angel – his features soft, almost feminine like his mothers´ were, skin white as chalk, crystal blue eyes and shiny blond hair. Copybook example until the moment when he opened his mouth and let his angry words fill the air, screaming, kicking, ready to hurt everybody before they had the chance hurt him. Fulfilling the space which his physical body of tiny child can´t. 

In his twelve years of life he heard many teachers describing him in many ways – boy with angry issues, spoiled child, son calling for attention, future delinquent. He did not care, not really – adults around him rarely dared to call his father. Nobody wanted to tell a rising star of Russia that his son is spoiled brat. 

So the blond made an agreement with the world – as soon as people let him skate and left him alone, he would not bother people around him. And after few attempts his classmates and mentors started to understand that so these days there was fragile peace between Yurio and another people only interrupted by bullies in his class – evidently, his little longer hair and skating were not things for typical boy. Yurio would not care less.

Son of Victor Nikiforov loved and hated his parents at once with force which usually let him speechless because he was unable to explain how strong his emotions were, not at his age. He loved how soft the touch of her mother was but _hated_ how rarely she stroked his hair or hugged him, always preferring her managers or fans. How hard he had to try to gain her attention. He loved how she would buy everything what he wanted but hated that she _never_ knew what to buy him for his b-day if he did not tell her before head. 

His father usually did the same as his mother just little differently – looking at him, but never _really_ see him, always distracted by fans, meeting or ice skating although he let him live in his apartment permanently and tried to be interested in his education, friends and health. But he never spend more time that was necessary with him – his evenings were filled with presence of his babysitter, Maria. He called her mummy in his head but he would never told her. Never. She will go away eventually - like everybody- so why to bother?

Only thing he really understood about his father was ice skating because he loved it as much as Yurio. He hated his father because how forgetful he was but he loved him because he showed him how to skate and trained him as much as Yurio wanted. When they skate or talked about skating, his anger was gone, his restless energy used for something useful and elegant. 

So when his father let him skate, he was even more quiet that usual, this time because of satisfaction. His peers found it creepy of little he spoke some days, but once again he did not care. It was little easier in Japan – he missed Marie terribly but Japanese people were more quiet than Russians by nature so people here did not find him so difficult to deal with. Yurio also liked the fact that they minded their own business. 

He hated and liked Yuuri Katsuki. 

That man was a cool skater. Not that good as his father but still cool.

He disliked his father and was not afraid to show it which Yurio considered to be brave because nobody dared to do so before. Yuuri talked more with him than with his _father_. For the first time in his life someone paid more attention to him than to Victor Nikiforov. 

He hated how soft he was with his son, fussing around him, pampering him. He hated how soft-spoken Japanese skater was letting his father to take control, to overwhelm him. How he obeyed even the most ridiculous instructions of his father during their training. 

He asked Yuuko girl about that and she told him some nonsense about quiet power. Some shit about believe of Japanese – that hard work and patience will pay off even without words. And because their training is like payback although Yuuri wanted to train with Victor anyway and that´s a reason why Yuuri did not complain. Yurio thought that it was ridiculous. And he did not understand half of it at all - adults were so complicated. 

But Yuuri let him skate in his and Yuuko´s ring and made sure that he drunk at least one cup of tea during practice. He let him skate even after official hours, doing something at his notebook at bench while Yurio was skating, never complaining about cold or sore muscles and desire to rest at onsen. 

He saw that man cried without shame. He saw him worried himself sick for his son. 

Young blond thought that it was stupid to care so much but he… did not want to see Yuuri to be so sad. Maybe when he would stop to worry about Aiko he would be strong enough to kick his father´s ass?

Yurio wanted to help.

He asked Yuuko again (he did not have friends here). She told him that they have to wait for Aiko to get better.

“There has to be something I can do,” Yurio nagged, unused to not get what he wanted, “tell me.”  
Yuuko blinked, surprised by how strong said request were pronounced, “well, maybe, you can make a crane bird?”

“cranewhat?”

“It is bird made of paper. We make them for our beloved ones to show them we wish their health. Legends say that when you make thousand of them your wish will come true. One thousand of them is called Senbazuru.”  
“I wont make thousand paper birds. Too much effort.”

Yuuko giggled and stroked his hair (Yurio jerked), “that´s the point. But few of them should be enough from you. I can show you how to make them.”  
So she did. That thing was difficult – Yurio had to try for free or for times to remember have to make them. but it was also… nice? He meant to do something with someone in friendly silence.

So he made red crane bird and went with Yuuko to the hospital to give it to Aiko. Then he told about that to his useless father – he was not useless sometimes because he suggested that maybe he would give some crane bird to Yuuri, too.

So Yurio showed his father how to made them and after that, there was crane bird for Aiko and Yuuri every day.   
One particular day when Yurio entered the rink Yuuri and his father were standing near the ice and Japanese was holding one of his crane birds. When he looked at Yurio, his eyes were full of tears. Yurio was scared – did he make something wrong?

But then Yuuri smiled and that smile was as soft as smile he gave to his son. Yurio just knew that he will remember that smile for a long time. 

“Victor is going to show me my new program. Do you want to watch it too, Yurio?” he asked him softly. 

And Yurio nodded – maybe he helped, after all?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I pity Yurio after this. Our poor little angry kitten...


	16. chapter 16 - Agape and Eros

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is time for Yuuri to choose his program...

Yuuri Katsuki wished so much to understand.

Understand people more in general, understand more his own dreams and intentions and not just let life take him whenever it wants.

Understand Victor and his son.

_Well, that one about son was not adequate,_ he thought as he feel small Yurio lean on his leg, warmth from his little body soaking through his trousers, touch somehow emphasised by coldness of air in the rink. 

Sulking kid, always alone and surprisingly mature because of that. That unexpected maturity made Yuuri sad in the most unexpected ways although this kid was still practically stranger to him. But still – Yurio was a kid as much as Aiko, seeking comfort and offering affections…just in his unique way. 

Yuuri and Aiko treasured Yurio´s crane birds like proof of love from foreigner. It brings colour into Aiko´s sterile hospital room. 

So, little Russian and his behaviour were understandable. But speaking of older Nikiforov…

“Topic of your program will be love,” said his coach, skating to the centre of ring. Yuuri was little taken aback, but not in way which would surprise (and offend) him as much as Victor´s lack of honorifics before – to choose topic like love for Japanese who are in general more reserved about such things is… unusual move, but isn ´t Victor unusual as person, too? 

“There are four types of love – Eros, Agape, Philia and Storge. I was fascinated by that and chose Eros which is sexual love and Agape as innocent love as topic of two programs.”  
Then Victor looked directly at him, his stare strong, heavy, _demanding,_ even from such distance, “watch them. Feel them and tell me what you think – one of them is going to be your program.”

Then the music started.  
Yuuri did not need to be told if this is Agape or Eros.

Victor´s first move was sending kiss in his direction with sensuality which left Yuuri, fully grown man, blushing. Song was fast and playful, strong and suggestive, as right lover should be and so were Victor´s moves - strong, self-confident and passionate, letting Japanese breathless. 

Violin and guitar, Victor and his body leaning, jumping, touching. His skates which made love with ice. 

Yuuri suddenly understand why so many people were falling on their knees for Victor Nikiforov. It reassured Yuuri that it is right to keep his healthy distance from Victor.   
Don´t make it sounds wrong – Yuuri admired Victor. He had huge crush on him when he was teenager but then Aiko came and he fell for Yuko and he just had to woke up from his dreams of Victor because his life was carrying on and he did not want to be left behind. Admiration stayed but otherwise... Yuuri was ready to accept Victor as a friend. Frind with many flaws but friend who means well and who deserve Yuuri´s respect. 

But nothing more.   
This was a man who had many lovers, many flukes, talking about passion.  
He ended. 

Victor allowed himself only few short breaths before he took new position – new song started.   
There was no violin, no guitar. Just soft singing supported by few instruments he cannot really name. Sing of angels.   
Victor started.   
This one was exact opposite of Eros – somehow slower but as difficult as Eros at the same time. But where Eros moves were hands of lover sensually moving on your bare body and caressing your hungry skin, there Agape´s moves were soft strokes on your cheeks given by your mother… father…  
Sister.

_Mari._

Yuuri took short inhale. Is this pain of loss going to disappear one day? _(please)_  
Routine continued, Victor telling story of love, and Yuuri´s hands somehow encircled Yurios arms although he did not look at him in fear that he would push him away. Yuuri offered Yurio some sort of comfort.

Because Victor was telling them much more like he would like. 

Because Yuuri could see what Victor´s Agape routine was intended to be and how he failed – his moves without confidence, his face blank, with no emotion.   
Maybe if Victor did not skated Eros first, Yuuri would not be able to see said difference. And even though both routines were beautiful and incredibly difficult technically, in artistic part, Victor´s Agape was… boring. Shallow.  
He did not feel it as much as Eros.  
And Yuuri was fairly sure that Victor was thinking about his son during Agape. He would be thinking about Aiko during it.  
Aiko…  
He wanted him to be here with him desperately.

By time Victor ended, Yurio and Yuuri were standing side by side, awkward embrace forgotten. Yurio was avoiding his eyes and Yuuri knew that small Russian understood everything about Agape clearly, _of course_ he did, he was skater as well and son of Victor-

Poor Yurio. 

“You need to shock your audience because this will be your first season as senior. And I think that Eros-“  
“I will take Agape,” Yuuri said firmly.   
Victor blinked in surprise,“but-“  
“I have advantage because people don´t know me and my style- Agape will do as well as Eros.” 

It was natural that Victor considered Eros as more capturing for audience – everybody considered romantic love as the most important sort of love in life. But Yuuri disagreed, his mind full of warm love for his family and his son, only fixed points in his life which kept him going, smiling, _fighting._ It was everything he needed.   
He wanted to show Victor what´s wrong with his Agape. He wanted that for Victor and for Yurio, because maybe, just maybe it will help them to… he did not know, to realize that they were important for each other?

He wanted to skate with Aiko and love for him in his mind because he was standing here, allowing Victor to train him, because of Aiko at first place – paying his debt. 

Victor beat him in Eros without hesitation.   
But Yuuri will show Victor what unconditional Agape really means.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You cannot imagine how much I wanted Yuuri to perform Agape. Really can´t :D

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, new year begins today... and it is really hard to confess it even to myself, but I need some self-healing. And start to write again, even just fanfiction for the start, is part of that process.
> 
> You don´t need to know background story of mine. You enjoy the story I want to offer and if you like it, please, let me know. It means a lot :)).


End file.
